Pekat

Satu malam dua malam

Semakin gelap semakin dalam

Satu nafas dua nafas

Perih, sesak, besar sulit terkoyak

Suara suara, mati

Seperti mawar layu tanpa henti

Menunggu hujan datang lagi

Bukan kamu, tapi aku

Hitamku, bukan hitammu

Kain putih lusuh mengharapkan goresan tinta

Agar sempurna, awalnya, agar berbenda, berguna

Namun tinta hitam tumpah ke atasnya

Hapus segala terang dalam ketidakkesempurnaannya

Biar hujan yang bilang

Kepadanya yang menantikan pengampunan

Karena sampai detik ini

Aku masih tenggelam dalam sepi

-a.a

not one of those pretty poems because this is a sadly blunt one with late night thoughts that's kept me awake for months and without megiving a fuck i'm sorry

My insecurities, their thoughts

My mental state, their laws

I ask, they say:

Fake 'em

Take 'em

Make 'em

Break 'em

Leave 'em

Then I wonder

Is that all they do?

Please stop throwing knives

I wish they knew how it hurts my back

Not even knowing who threw them

Makes the pain ten times worse

They never tell me anything

They keep me desperate, wondering

Please stab daggers in my face

I have it for a reason

I may not be an angel

But please don't treat me like the devil

I still have a conscience

Please don't make me look like I don't

They've got the guns

I've only got my guts

I'm sorry I have to say this

But I've got feelings too

People say feeling isn't wrong

But why do they make it so?

And I'm sorry for feeling

I won't do it again

God, this sounds selfish

Guess that's what I am when I'm sad

For those who care;

I'll be better

I swear

One day, just not today

When the rain cleans the wounds away

-i.t